Wow, this is hard. I think we are now over the “honeymoon phase” of having Maya in our family. At first, she was a little scared, it was unknown, and I think there were probably memories of her previous caregivers telling her to obey us.
Now, we are into phase 2. Let the issues surface and the tantrums begin. It’s obvious that there are problems and hurts that run deep in this girl. And, there are 3 years of reinforced bad behavior to correct. It’s always back to the questions of what to discipline and what to let slide. We are definitely having to pick our battles right now. Some social workers say to not discipline yet, they need to feel “loved in” to your family. Ok, but on the other hand, we are also now setting the expectations for what it’s like to live in our family. There are simply some things we do not do as a part of this family.
But, I am so thankful that we are in the place we are. Adoption is so prevalent here at Brook Hills – there are numerous families and experiences to draw on for advice. It was so good to talk to Sheryl Turner today about some specific issues we are having. They adopted a 4-year-old boy from Guatemala a couple of years ago. Just to hear how they handled discipline, bedtime, etc. And also, it was just really good to know that our situation is not unique. This phase is hard for every parents of an adopted toddler, and yes, it will pass.
On another note, Maya is taking huge strides in some areas. She’s already using some English (can I say how funny it is to hear a 3-year-old with a thick accent?), we have been working on attention span, and she’s starting to figure out entertaining herself for short times. She is still very giggly, and she and Elijah can sit at the table now and just make noises at each other and giggle the meal away. Very funny. She’s a dancing machine, and Elijah has started his own “head dance” to go along with hers!
Here’s some pics from the week.
Yes, you have to pick your battles, and standing too close to the TV isn’t one I’ve chosen to pick yet!
Fun with pipe cleaners!
Swimming isn’t scary anymore!
Andrea, she is stunning…wow! I remember the tantrum adjustment days with Eden (and she was only 20 months…I’m sure 3 is loads of fun). I remember she would tantrum and I would just sit there dumbfounded, looking at her like she was an alien thinking, “what do I do? I want to wear your bottom out but I have no idea what this is about.” My emotions would swing from frustration, to anger, to compassion within 5 minutes. Looking back, I know there were times that I should have disciplined when I didn’t, but most of the time I chose to give grace I think I was right…it was attachment. I know I should have enforced bedtime better. Truth is…it’s hard to tell at that age isn’t it? I still feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants most days :0) Anyway, she is so beautiful and I am so happy for yall. God has really blessed you and Paul and those two sweet babies. Congratulations!
so…does it help at all to know that sometimes parents of children they gave birth to have such quandaries? wondering if God planned it this way … no ‘script’ or easily followed plan that comes with each child for every situation … keeps us on our knees and in need of as much grace as we are being asked to give? I don’t know, but at this point in my life I’m beginning to be suspicious!
OH MY GOODNESS Maya is soooooo beautiful! We can’t wait to meet her! In fact … we just packed up all our belongings, stuffed them (literally!) into a moving van … we’ll be there the day after tomorrow!!! OK?